Beating the Bank

Today will be my youngest son's last first day of high school and with it, brings me many emotions. After 20 years of raising some of the roughest and rowdiest hellins' on the face of the earth....my days of rearing boys are almost over. Some of the many thoughts racing through my mind are as follows:

1. My God, am I really that old?
2. What am I going to do with all my Friday nights after this football season?
3. I am forever grateful that I lived through this, damn glad it's almost over!
4. No, No I am not glad....I'm sad, is this what empty nest syndrome feels like?
5. Maybe I can provide more for Carston with her being the only one at home...
6. Was I a good enough mom? What mistakes did I make, so as not to make them with Carston.
7. Fuck! Really? Christian will start college next year....Cartson will start kindergarten....Unbelievable!
8. I'll be 50 years old when Carston graduates high school....hope I am still alive..
9. This year is gonna cost me out the ass!
10. Why have they made it so hard to beat the bank! Assholes!

Let me elaborate on #10. Ya see.....I am so damn broke right now that I can't even pay attention! As some of you may know, my oldest hellin' has gotten himself into quite a pickle....the pickle jar is about 1/2 full as a matter of fact.....and being the mother that I am, I have made many choices in the last year that has put a financial strain on my family. (Note to all you people that say, "If my kid gets into trouble, they know not to call me...they are on their own....you get yourself into it, you get yourself out".....yeah, you people kiss my ass. I've said all that, but when the call comes in, I go a running! Much easier said than done).

Only till you have become broke out your ass, do you really start becoming truly creative.....this was the case this past week. Living pay check to pay check, with every dime spent before you get it, leaves very little money for extras. Extras include School Clothes, Letterman's Jacket, Class Ring, Football Pics, Senior Pics, Year Book, you get the idea.........so I got creative, and pulled the ole beat the bank trick out my "Rob Peter to Pay Paul" bag. My genius plan was to go out of town (Bowling Green), buy enough school clothes to get the boy by till payday.......write a check for it! Brilliant Right? It would take at least 4 or 5 days for the check to make it my bank and by then I got money in the bank! No harm, no foul.....after all, it's my God given right to spend my money before I get if I want to! Right? Not anymore...........

I hit Hollister first since they are having a huge sale. (Cargo short-$19.99 & Polo's-$15.00) I was really impressed with how quickly I had chosen my items and made it to the cash register....my husband waiting outside the store with my 4 year old daughter would be proud of me. The little anorexic girl rings my up and says, "that will be $96.80 please"....already seeing my checkbook in hand she says, "I'll need to see your Driver's Licence". I began writing the check and she said, "you don't have to fill that out, our machine prints it". Cool.....I sign the check and hand it to her.....she pushes some buttons, zips the check through the little machine thingy, takes it out of the little machine thingy, and hands me the check back. "What are you doing?", I ask. She replied, "Oh, we electronically deduct checks here, so we don't have to keep the check, you get it back".............my thoughts at this time? Fuck me running backwards wearing flip flops! You mean a person can't even write a cold check anymore? What has this world come to?

So, I started my day shitty cause I know the purchase last night is only going to start a domino reaction of insufficient fees. I felt like ten kinds of shit because I should have not allowed myself to get into this situation. However, I did have a inkling of hope left in me because I had to be in court at 9am this morning with the promise of my oldest son's release from his vacation at the Allen Co Detention Center......but that winded up sucking donkey and he still remains in jail under a $10,000 cash bond.

Lesson learned you ask? Of course....I have learned that money & friends are very similar. You don't need either, but life sure does suck without em'. Luckily, I have one of the two....Friends. In the mist of shitty shitty bang bang day....Peanut Butter aka Mitch, sent me the silliest email ever....a picture of him sticking his tongue out at me! How random & juvenile it was! Just what I needed....I almost pissed my pants.......thanx buddy!

And to all your people out there that think I am morally a bad person for trying to pass off a cold check & beat the bank......yeah, you there, oh... and you there in the back row....kiss my Cracker Queen ass!