2 + 2 = One Dumbass Blonde

I feel really weird because after many, many moons....I am going back to school. Yep, today is my first day....really excited, and really sad. There was no Mom to help me gather my things this morning and no Dad to give me that "you can do it, I am so proud of you" speech. But that's OK, should be used to it by now....Mom died when I was 17 & Daddy died the day the Millennium started. But...I'm not bitter.......

I am going back to school to gain certificate in a profession that I already occupy. A Lean certificate....never mind that I am already a Lean Coordinator & Kaizen Facilitator and I have more years of experience than I have fingers, this will bonify me...Bonified! A piece of paper I can wipe my ass on....but I will be bonified!! But....I'm not bitter....

"Mrs. Payne, we are unable to locate your transcripts, so you are going to required to take a college placement test"....yeah, that's what the admissions lady told me. "Cool, I am pretty intelligent, I can rock this", were my thoughts. Uhh, not so much....as it turns out, if my brains were gasoline, I wouldn't have enough gas, to ride a piss ant on a moped, around a BB. I scored in the high 90's in Reading, I was happy. My Writing scores were not so notable, I am surprised I can manage to blog, but they were creditable enough. My Math scores? Yeah, I should have reserved parking out front.... a 44%!!!! Fucking Really? But, I am not bitter.......

So, it is agreed that I could use some more (not higher) education, and believe it or not...I am into the whole "better yourself or self improvement" thang.... I just think that sometimes, life's lessons and past experiences should count for something. Why don't they have a question on the test that reads, "What was the biggest fuck up of your life, and what did you learn from it?". Well hell, if test were like that, I would be a scholar!! Always heard that you learn from your mistakes....if that's the case I should be a Genius, because I have made more mistakes than the entire population of Alaska put together. But, that's a good thing.......


I can truly pat myself on the back right now. Through my years of mistakes and poor judgment, I have learned to recognize when I am veering onto the wrong path. I know what most of my weaknesses are and I have aquired a pretty good sense of discernment when it comes to people's intentions......and the devastation that can occur when combined at the wrong place, at the wrong time. I know you are probably scratching your head right now....but trust me, I most recently proved to myself that I am smart enough to slay some demons that I didn't see coming. Turns out that I am not that stupid after all....

And, I am not Bitter...