I feel like I need to explain myself a tad bit concerning my state of mind during the whole "I'm Pregnant for the 5th Time" situation. Before you start judging (remember, I hate judgmental morons) my choice of words, you should know that my particular way of thinking during that time was strongly influenced by a deep dark depression...Yes People....I have demons, not in a figurative sense either.....real, larger than life, heated breath, demonic beings that like to fuck with me from time to time. Crazy huh? Well, that best describes my constant struggle with depression and self worthiness. Don't get this twisted, I have learned many strategies over the years to become victorious over these battles......but during the "Prego" era of time...I was as weak as a newborn colt trying to walk, and had allowed the demons to capture me.....Long story short, I adore my children...always have & always will....I'm not perfect....I have had my share of mental struggles....and most of you have too....I have just chose to confess mine.....if that's not your bag of lipton sweet tea....then shove it up your ass and drink it all by yourself........now, for the rest of my story:
She? She? Did he just say She? Oh my God, this baby is the real thing....Oh my God, this only confirms that I am a horrible person for feeling this was! These were my thoughts for several days, torturous days filled with tears and self loathing. I can't explain what provoked it but some how I had a epiphany, so to speak. A rushing feeling of strength, determination, and understanding. A "Not only can I do this, but I can do it well" sort of moment. In brief, I knew she was a gift. A sobering gift that would provide the back bone to snap out of it...what did I do? Well......I went shopping of course!
I didn't know how to deal with the news of a daughter. Bows, dresses, black patent leather shoes, pink satin blankets...all would be a must. I bought everything in a 50 miles radius and ebay. Some people thought I was setting myself up for disappointment because of the ominous potential for complications, but I knew...I mean I really knew deep down in my heart that she would make it...and I would too. I became so excited over the following months, waiting for her arrival so I could show her how much I loved her....touch her, smell her, hold her near to my body so all my love for could be felt. Everything was ready....everything! Baby room, hospital bag, everything... Ready for everything except for what happened the night of December 7th, 2005. There was no way in hell any of us was ready for that....
I slept on the couch in the living room most of the time because it was my only getaway from the bed,(the only two options when your confined to bed rest) plus it was a little closer to the restroom that I made numerous trips to frequently. When on this said night, I woke up around 11:30pm and couldn't sleep. The TV was already on and the movie "Cocktail" was playing, this is when I realized that although I had seen it many times, I had never watched the whole thing from beginning to end....and I wasn't going to tonight either, because 1)It had started before I woke up & 2)I have to pee. I rolled over to my side, propped my fat ass up with my hands, and forced myself to my feet and began waddling to the bathroom....yeah, half way down the hall I realized I was in some serious trouble. I was having a baby without the warning signs of labor........fuck me, it's time!
I called my husband at work....oh 5 or 10 mins away......and said only four words to him when he answered..."Don't Waste No Time!" He didn't either, 3-4 minutes later he is in the living room screaming "Get in the Car, Get in the Car! Hurry up boys....Get in the Car....Amy! Why are you not in the damn car yet?" I replied.."I trying to hold this baby in damn it! I am sorry I am not fast enough for your liking!" ......I get in the front passenger seat of this little ass Honda Civic and the boys jump in the back seat, and Mario Andriette jumps behind the wheel. Backing into our turn about in the driveway, I look over at him and say....Honey, call the hospital and tell them to have every thing ready, this is going to be very close! Step on it and drive as fast as you can!" Turning right out of the driveway onto 31W, I looked at him and said..."hang up the phone and call 911, an ambulance is going to have to meet us half way. We are not going to make it that far" Ok..this is when I learned the true definition of Ape Shit. He was explaining to the 911 operator that we were in route to the hospital, what kind of car we were in, and that I was pushing as they spoke....and then the golden question was asked..."Where is you wife sir?"....he calmly replied...."Where so you think she is? She is on the hood of the car".....Not knowing what she had asked him, I had only heard his reply...."What the hell is wrong with you?". It only got worse....while passing the Ottokumpu plant in Franklin, I decided one more push was gonna do it.....I buried my chin in my chest, grabbed the "Oh Hell Handle" above the window, and give it all I had. My husband up until this point was jumping from operator to me in conversation...telling me "No, No, No" with every push.....he went silent for about 30 seconds, then starting screaming into the phone..."OH MY GOD! SHE HAS HAD THE BABY! WHAT DO I DO?"..... The 911 operator advised him to keep traveling at a high rate of speed until he saw the flashing lights of the ambulance, then exit to the side of the road....... I however had other plans,after all I had a baby in my pants! I asked him to pull the car over........ that I needed to get to the baby(I know, Redneck shit right?). He only continued to cry aloud into the cell phone that was pasted between his ear and shoulder.....driving with one hand......praising the Lord with the other....praying "In Jesus' name - Help us".....
I reiterated to him that Jesus wasn't going to take off my pants and to pull the damn car over......
He didn't....
He did see flashing lights....
Finally...
Help was there....
Someone that knows what to do.......
Or Did They? That is a story for another day..........
My GOD woman!
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